New Discovery: Bacteria-Eating LUNA Bug Living In Your Face

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Swedish beauty-tech company FOREO has announced the discovery of a new microscopic organism that lives in people’s sweat, using a ‘suction-nozzle’ to hoover up dead skin cells and bacteria that can cause breakouts after exercise.

Scientists at the FOREO Institute announced the discovery of what they are affectionately calling the ‘LUNA Bug’ or LunaeRadiatus.

Among its unique characteristics are:

  • A suction-nozzle on its “face”, that hoovers up harmful dead skin cells cells after exercise, which can block pores and cause infection.
  • Nubs on its belly which sweep skin cells into microscopic piles for easier nozzling.
  • The inability to defecate which eventually leads to it growing to a mega-size of 6 micrometers.
  • A rare bug-like strain of hyperphagia, meaning it will nozzle and eat until it spontaneously dissolves, leaving a harmless ‘wet glow’ on the face.

Head Scientist of the FOREO Institute in Stockholm Sweden, Lucy Desudo talks of the discovery, “The LUNAE RADIATUS,or what we at the FOREO Institute have affectionately named, the LUNA-bug, was found to be living in the skin of those who workout at the gym three times a week. It has a suction-nozzle on its face that inhales dead-skin cells created by exercise. Unfortunately, it also appears to lack the ability to defecate, so on reaching maximum size it spontaneously dissolves, leaving a trail of what we’re calling ‘wet glow’.”

The LUNA-bug was found as part of an 8000-person sweat sample taken by the FOREO Institute and can be seen as nature’s evolutionary answer for a natural cleanse when sweat is present. Eager to capitalize on the discovery, FOREO is proud to announce plans to release a new range of cosmetics known as DAS WASSER, German for ‘bottled-sweat’, as part of a wider series of launches planned in June 2019.

“We recognize not everyone in the world is able to exercise three times a week, in order to create the optimal conditions for the LUNA bug to grow,” FOREO CMO Steve Thomson said. “That’s why we’re planning to release a totally organic, vegan-friendly line of FOREO bottled sweat in the coming months, allowing the more horizontally-inclined to grow your own LUNAE RADIATUS.”

MsDesudo adds, “It seems the magic number here is three. If you want to catch the LUNA-bug, we recommend you start working out three times a week for the freshest face you’ve ever had. Or hack the system and look out for our bottle packed sweat which we will have available in 25ml, 50ml and 100ml – perfect for every lifestyle and even the business traveler for convenient carry-on.”

FOREO has confirmed that due to current complexities in sourcing human sweat from anyone other than their 3000 employees, DAS WASSER will likely command a minimum price of 40 USD/ EURO per 25 ml. Negotiations are also in place with gyms worldwide to crowdsource sweat in order for the LUNA bug to grow.

The DAS WASSER range of bottled sweat will be available in artisanal drugstores and FOREO.com from June 2019, with fans urged to sign-up on the website for early access.

“On making such a profound discovery that will help people own their glow after exercise, it really is the least a self care brand like FOREO can do,” Thomson added.

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